Martial arts moviescan often get quite strange, taking risks with utterly absurd stories that aren’t to be found in any other genre. Things can often get lost in translation between East and West as martial arts movies make their way overseas, but there are some levels of strangeness that simply can’t be explained via traditional culture shock. Fromthe greatest Wuxia epicsto the most exciting super cop stories set in the modern day, martial arts movies across history have toed the line between curious and downright weird.
Some martial artsmovieswill dream up some creative fantasy elements for their plots, which can often clash with the typically lower budget of the average kung fu flick. The result can often be quite bizarre, withhigh-concept fantasy elements meeting realistic means of portraying them. Other times, it’s the smaller individual choices in a given martial arts movie that add up to an avalanche of weirdness, from bad English dubs to strange character decisions and more.
10Gymkata (1985)
An Absurd Mashup Of Martial Arts And Gymnastics
Sometimes, martial arts movies end up as a strange form of wish fulfillment for the people who make them.Gymkatais the brainchild of film producer Fred Weintraub, who felt an inexplicable urge to cast Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas in a martial arts movie after seeing him in a TV commercial.
Thus,Gymkatawas born, casting Thomas as the lead of a terrible loose adaptation of the novelThe Terrible Game,in whichthe fate of a nuclear exchange between the United States and Russia is determined by a single martial arts tournament. Somehow, the U.S. government decides that a gymnast is their best bet to preventnuclear armageddon, and Kurt Thomas' character enters the fray with a bizarre mix of kung fu and gymnastics routines.
Gymkata
Cast
Gymkata follows a gymnastic martial artist tasked by U.S. agents to secure a strategic missile-base location in the remote and hostile country of Parmistan. Released in 1985, the film combines martial arts and gymnastics in its unique action sequences.
The action ofGymkatais utterly nonsensical, with exchanges of blows that try (and fail) to make gymnastics look cool as a martial art in its own right. The most bonkers setpiece is the moment in which Thomas has to fight his way out of a village full of criminally insane residents, one of whom chops his own hand off just scare the hero.
9The Legend Of The 7 Golden Vampires (1974)
An Unruly Blend Of Martial Arts And Horror
The martial arts genre isn’t above dipping its toes into other genres, such as horror, and two mix together like oil and water inThe Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires.A collaboration between the legendary Shaw Brothers andthe esteemed Hammer Film Productions, known far and wide for their horror hits likeDracula.The plot sees famous vampire hunterVan Helsing do battle with a cult of Chinese vampiresalong with the help of a family of kung fu practitioners.
The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires
Set in rural China, The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires follows Professor Van Helsing as he confronts Count Dracula’s undead forces. Joining him is a brotherhood of seven martial arts warriors, as they team up to combat the terror faced by local peasants.
As interesting a concept asThe Legend of the 7 Golden Vampiresmakes for, in execution,it’s a laughably weird film. Van Helsing, played by the distinguished Peter Cushing, a Hammer Film Productions regular, mostly sort of stands around looking bewildered as the high-flying kung fu action simply unfolds around him. The film is simply an odd experience from its very conception, doing nothing to smoothly blend its two very different influences together.
8The Battle Wizard (1977)
Mixes Magic And Muscles For Bizarre Results
Of course,The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampiresis far from the only strange film thatthe illustrious Shaw Brothers Studioever churned out over its lengthy reign of dominance in Hong Kong martial arts cinema. 1977’sThe Battle Wizardis far from a popular film in their catalog, but it’s neverthelessa bizarre feature that needs to be seen to be believed.
Best of all, the main villain is an aged wizard with metal rooster legs for feet that can shoot fire out of his mouth.
The story focuses on a young scholar and his swordswoman sister who embark on a lengthy journey to battle three villains, each more supernatural and strange than the last. Even callingThe Battle Wizarda martial arts film at all is almost a difficult pill to swallow.
The Battle Wizard
The Battle Wizard, released in 1977, follows a book-loving brother and a sword-loving sister as they confront a yellow-robed warrior, the Red Python, a snake charmer, and a silk-masked woman cursed to kill or wed the first man to see her face, to restore peace to their family.
The protagonist’s primary technique that he learns is a martial arts move that allows him to fire a deadly laser from his finger, chopping up opponents. Some of his foes include a lecherous monster with flying pincer hook arms and a masked woman who vows to either murder or marry the first man to see her face. Best of all, the main villain is an aged wizard with metal rooster legs for feet that can shoot fire out of his mouth.
7The Thundering Mantis (1980)
Mostly Forgettable With A Jaw-Dropping Final Ten Minutes
On the surface,The Thundering Mantisis as forgettable of aDrunken Masterrip-off as they come. The stock-standard story centers on a young boy who learns an exotic new fighting style, the titular Thundering Mantis technique, in order to take on some criminal bullies terrorizing his neighborhood.
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In preparation for films that required effortless and eye-catching fight choreography, a handful of actors trained in various martial arts styles.
In truth, this plot is a paper-thin convenience meant to string along a series of modest to decent action scenes, butit’s the final battle that truly enshrinesThe Thundering Mantisin the weird kung fu movie hall of fame. After the protagonist is captured, his child sidekick is cruelly tortured to death by the gang, resulting in a full-on mental breakdown that causes him to fully shed his sanity.
The Thundering Mantis
The Thundering Mantis features Ka-Yan Leung as Ah Chi, an ardent martial artist whose antics lead to trouble with the Jade Brotherhood. Expelled by his master, Chi encounters a new mentor skilled in the Mantis style, as he combats the Brotherhood’s attempt to dominate their town.
With the newfound strength of his shattered mind, the hero goes on a murderous rampage that mixes the Thundering Mantis style with his new feral rage. Squealing with delight at the pain he’s suffered and frothing at the mouth, he goes on to literally devour his final opponent in a fit of cannibalistic fury, an incredibly out-of-left-field end to a relatively simple tale.
6Robo Vampire (1988)
A Creative Copy Cat That Can’t Decide On A Genre
Unlike in the West, Chinese martial arts movies, especially older ones, take international copyright law as more of a polite suggestion. As a result, some martial arts movies likeRobo Vampirehave blatantly copied popular blockbusters, adding in their own spices along the way for added weirdness.Robo Vampireis, for the most part, an obvious copy oftheRobocopmovies, featuring a hero that essentially undergoes the exact same origin story as Alex Murphy in Paul Verhoeven’s classic sci-fi action thriller.
Robo Vampire
Robo Vampire is a 1988 action film centered on narcotics agent Tom Wilde, who is resurrected as an android after being killed. He embarks on a perilous mission in the Golden Triangle to rescue undercover agent Sophie from the clutches of drug lord Mr. Young and his creation, the Vampire Beast.
Where things go truly off the rails is with the introduction of Chinese hopping vampires as not-Robocop’s primary villain. Brilliantly,Robo Vampiredoesn’t have anywhere near the budget necessary to portray such high-concept fantasy characters, with the protagonist’s main suit being literally made out of tinfoil.From hilariously bad editing to shoddy makeupto gallons of fake blood,Robo Vampireis an ambitious fever dream of a martial arts flick that makes no pretenses of being grounded in reality.
5Shaolin Youth Posse (1972)
Puts Some Kids Through The Ringer In A Brutal Martial Arts Extravaganza
The novelty ofShaolin Youth Posseis quite a clever premise on paper, being a martial arts movie consisting entirely of child actors as its protagonists. The movie centers on an evil princess who sends an army of evil thugs to break into a Shaolin Temple, hoping to assassinate a young prince taking refuge there.
With all of the temple’s adults away on some sort of important mission, it’s up to the kids left behind to fend off wave after wave of attacking fighters. One would think that a cast of child characters would makeShaolin Youth Possea relatively family-friendly, lighthearted version of a kung fu movie, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.
The Little Hero of Shaolin Temple
The Little Hero of Shaolin Temple, released in 1972, depicts a group of young martial artists training in the Shaolin Temple to master the arts of snake, crane, tiger, and leopard. Their skills are challenged when the temple faces an unexpected invasion, presenting a rare glimpse into classic martial arts cinema.
The film isn’t afraid to show kids getting violently gored by their adult foesin broad daylight, making for a laughably dark experience. Even stranger are the retinue of villains the evil princess sends forth, including ninjas, cross-dressing bandits, vampires, ghosts, and most disturbingly, a feral jungle-dwelling woman that attempts to seduce one of the young monks.
4Ninja III: The Domination (1984)
The Most Aggressively 80s Martial Arts Flick Ever Conceptualized
Some martial arts films are so bizarre that even describing them proves to be an almost Herculean task. ThoughNinja III:The Dominationis technically the third entry in theNinjaanthology trilogy, no amount of context could ever justify the dizzyingly strange narrative. The movie follows Lucinda Dickey’s Christie,an aerobics expert who is possessed by the ghost of a dying ninjawhen he hands her his sword. As a result, wielding Chris' nubile body, the ninja goes on to get revenge on his killers…a group of normal police officers.
Ninja III: The Domination
Ninja III: The Domination follows a female aerobics instructor who becomes possessed by the spirit of a vengeful ninja. Utilizing her body to exact revenge on those responsible for his demise, the spirit’s release depends on the intervention of another ninja. Released in 1984, this film blends martial arts with supernatural elements.
Despite being killed by standard cops, the film later claims that only a ninja can beat another ninja, calling for a high-flying exorcism complete with a deadly laser light show. Along the way, the possessed Christie goes on a slaughtering spree that weaponizes both the ninjutsu of her dominating spirit and the dancercise skills latent in her body.The film also finds time to rip offThe Exorcistfilms, complete with rotating heads and the spewing of magical emesis.
3Matching Escort (1983)
A Goofy, Campy Good Time With An Endearingly Weird Set Up
A great way to make any martial arts movie stand out is to give its hero some kind of unique skill, condition, or disadvantage, a laDrunken Master.Matching Escortpresents a unique solution to this, following the exploits ofa martial artist woman who has absurdly powerful legsafter spending her entire life wearing heavily weighted iron shoes.
The film’s art direction is like a Halloween parade of spooky cobwebs and charming skeletons, but it’s the odd fight scenes that further accentuate the weirdness ofMatching Escort.
When her massive family of 73 people is killed in a mass slaughter, the girl trains with a cave-dwelling hermit literally named “Uncle Strange” to maximize her natural skills and take her revenge. Pearl Cheung’s vision as both the writer, director, and star ofMatching Escortis second-to-none.
Matching Escort
Matching Escort, released in 1982, follows a young woman whose parents are murdered, leading her to be trained in kung-fu by the Silver Fox. She seeks revenge against the warlord responsible for their deaths, while also protecting a prince forbidden from marrying her due to their differing social status.
During her character’s training arc, she practices profane techniques such as meditating in a pool of toxic slime to become immune to poison or eating an early version ofBlack Panther’s heart-shaped herb to further increase her natural abilities.The film’s art direction is like a Halloween paradeof spooky cobwebs and charming skeletons, but it’s the odd fight scenes that further accentuate the weirdness ofMatching Escort.Villains include ninjas, cyborgs, and worse.
2The True Game Of Death (1979)
A Disheartening Exploitation Of A Beloved Martial Arts Icon
It’s rare for martial arts movies to get particularly meta, butThe True Game of Deathisa distillation of the legendary Bruce Leein the same wayScary Moviehomages the best horror films. Imitating the similarly-namedBruce Lee classic,Game of Death, The True Game of Deathstarts off making no reservations about how low it’s willing to stoop to exploit Lee’s actual life, beginning with footage of his literal funeral.
From there, an unseen narrator explains how a lookalike actor will be carrying out Lee’s legacy.The True Game of Deathfeatures one of the most tasteless Brucesploitation moments ever during a sex scene in which a poison planted on the new Bruce takes effect mid-lovemaking, resulting in an appalling beat that parodies Lee’s actual death.
The True Game of Death
The True Game of Death, released in 1978, is a martial arts film that follows Hsao Lung, a Bruce Lee lookalike actor, who fakes his death to protect his girlfriend from gangsters. Disguised as a chef, he engages in a series of confrontations, culminating in a showdown at a shipyard.
For what it’s worth, the film actually does feature some decent action once the Bruce Lee stand-in puts on the iconic yellow jumpsuit, fighting a decent variety of opponents like sumo wrestlers, a boxer, and an entire biker gang.The True Game of Deathisa spectacularly strange method of cashing in on Bruce Lee’s posthumous fame.
1Lady Iron Monkey (1979)
A Kung Fu-Powered Genderswap Of Tarzan
Lady Iron Monkeyproved that kung fu filmmakers of the late 70s had endless bounds of creativity, if nothing else. Directed by early Jackie Chan collaborator Chen Chi Hwa,Lady Iron Monkeytells the story of Ming Ling Shur,a feral child raised by apeswho somehow grew up to resemble a half-human half-monkey hybrid herself.
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Unsurprisingly,her unique childhood gives her a natural talent for monkey-style kung fu, which is taken advantage of by an evil prince when the simian maiden falls in love with him.Lady Iron Monkeyhas a unique sense of absurdist humor that’s hard to find in other martial arts movies.
Lady Iron Monkey
In Lady Iron Monkey, Ming Ling Shur, a girl raised by apes, is discovered by a kung fu master who recognizes her innate talent for monkey-style kung fu. As she matures, her adventurous spirit leads her to become a guard for a prince, with whom she falls in love. Unbeknownst to her, the prince secretly exploits her martial arts skills for his personal gain.
Ming Ling Shur leans to use her tail like a propeller to fly through the air, her male object of affection constantly loses his shirt as a running gag, and at one point, the action is intercut with stock footage of chimpanzees flipping around. Othermartial arts moviesmay be weird, but they aren’t “genderswappedTarzanugly duckling forbidden romance interspersed with kung fu action” weird.
